Why Do Women Think They Are Nothing Without A Man?

Early this morning I was taking a walk with a dear friend who is going through yet another relationship break-up. This is her third relationship in a span of 30 years and she remarked that as she was laying in bed early this morning alone crying her eyes out,she had a realization that she is single again.  In fact she said ” heck, I’m back on the meat market again!”

We have all been there – well most of us anyway – when it all comes to an end and we wake up to find that we are alone and have that void without a man feeling.  It is as if without a man we are incomplete, have no direction, no focus, no life.  I do not imply that dependance on a man, being in a relationship is negative in any way. 

In fact John Donne wrote ” No man is an island, entire of itself”.  And likewise for a woman.  Much joy and bliss comes from a man and a woman sharing their lives together- this is beautiful indeed.

However, since childhood there has been a conditioning that  says ” I am not complete until I have a man in my life”.  When I experienced marital separation and divorce after an 18 year marriage, I stumbled upon a compelling and practical book about why women feel incomplete without a man by Penelope Russianoff Ph.D titled “ Why Do I Think I Am Nothing Without A Man?”

We have come from a conditioning that Dr Russianoff describes as ‘desperately dependant’.  She writes:  ” this is where a woman for whom the major focus in her life is a man, or the lack of one, a woman who feels adrift or on the prowl, or one who feels that the world views her as abnormal without a male consort, one who feels listless and purposelesss when “her” man is out of town, at work or anyway, not right there with here. There are degress of desperate dependence, but the consequences are always the same.”

And so the desperately dependant woman revolves her life around a person outside of herself, a man- someone who is “hers”.  And when this ends it is as if her  own life has ended. 

Empowerment for women is about liberating herself from “desperately needing a man” to feel complete.

Empowerment for women is learning to love and accept yourself and finding worthiness  and purpose in your own life – whether or not you have some one in it.

Empowerment for women is realizing that you can create and draw into your life all the joy, love, fulfilment, purpose, happiness, health and direction you want – whether or not you have some one in it.

Empowerment for women is seeing your own inner beauty, the inner strength that lies deep within you that will propel you forward beyond any disappointment, any sorrow or loss.

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3 Responses

  1. Having re-read Ticket to Freedom, I am completely in awe of everything you say and do… Your inspirational and motivational ideas and theories need to be read by women the world over.

    Much love x

  2. And who wants to live with a ‘clingy woman’ – a woman who doesn’t feel “complete” unless their man is around. Perhaps ‘some’ men, but not me. I love “empowered” women. Truth is, all of the men *I* know love it when they’re women can screw in their own light bulb. I love the independence in my wife.

    • Thank you for your comment! It is refreshing to know that men do appreciate their women as ‘complete’ and ‘whole’ without being ‘needy’ or ‘dependant’ on their man. We ( women) can be better partners when we are independant.

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